O Magic Bullet

The Magic Bullet. 

Back when I volunteered in a care home, infomercials for The Magic Bullet happened every other week. At first, I ignored it. I had better things to do, like mercilessly crushing my elderly opponents in a game of blackjack. But over time, I began to pay attention to the fanatical praise the underpaid actors were blurting out about it ... and I became fixated on The Magic Bullet ever since.

Don't ask me why I became so fixated on the Magic Bullet after only two viewings of the infomercial, because I can't even pinpoint the obsession myself. I think it's the idea of how many things I can make so effortlessly and with so little ingredients. I'm not entirely sure. 

I have two friends who have Magic Bullets, and every time I visit their house, I beg and plead to let me make something with their Magic Bullet. A smoothie, a shake, a cup of juice ... anything that can be mashed and blended with its sharp, changeable, easy-to-clean blades. I was refused each time, accompanied by the phrase, "Stop being so creepy." 

The reason I made a whole post about The Magic Bullet is because I want one. So bad. The thirst. It is real.

I will be participating in NaNoWriMo this year and I have read on many blogs of people who have 'won' previous NaNoWriMos that using a blender to make homemade fruit juice is an excellent idea during the arduous writing process. Not only does it wake you up with the natural sugar content, but it is a much healthier way than simply reaching for that cup of coffee or that bar of chocolate. Plus, depending on what exactly you put in there, it could be filling enough to serve as a meal, thus helping you cut back on fat.

It's literally win-win! There's no way to lose!

Except I don't have a blender. 

Back in my old house, we had this one old blender that's practically my age. I've seen the thing ever since I lived with my parents in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. And that was when I was two years old. Yes, I remember events from around that age. Two or three, I'm not exactly certain but I can remember the apartment, the nights of watching Jurassic Park with my parents, the pain of falling off the bed and hitting the back of my head while I was watching The Lion King ... happy memories.

But I digress. The point is, that blender reached its factory life long before I even hit my teens, and it couldn't even make me a canned juice by the end. We threw it out when we moved and that was that. I never found a need for blenders and so refrained from buying one, holding out hope that my dad would listen to reason and buy the Magic Bullet that we so desperately needed, for the sake of saying we had one. But then he left for Taiwan. 

My friend, who might become my roommate come January/February, has said that she might bring her Magic Bullet with her, or that we could get one as a housewarming present. This hope that I could get my Bullet without paying the entire pricetag is the only thing stopping me from grabbing my credit card with the intent to pay for some magical goodness. 

But could you imagine life with a Magic Bullet? Readers who already own Magic Bullets, just imagine life without a Magic Bullet, and then imagine yourself in that life imagining yourself with one. My current goal is mainly so that I can use it to make fruit juices or smoothies as a way of losing weight and gaining the nutrients I desperately need due to my admittedly unhealthy culinary choices. 
Beyond NaNoWriMo, though, it's a whole new world. I could make sauces for meats. I can make cappucino. I can apparently even make a whole variety of desserts with the thing, and it can totally cut down on the amount of bowls and stirring utensils that makes baking such a pain. According to the website, I can even make my own toner and my own conditioner using the Bullet. 

I could literally become a god with this thing. A god of the kitchen. A god of the apartment. I could take over the world with the Magic Bullet and oh my goodness, I need one right this second. 

If you're out there, Great Pumpkin, I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to blend with the pros, in time for NaNoWriMo.